I recently was out at my Mother-in-law's farm. It's my "run-to" place for comfort; there's something amazingly peaceful about the land out there and my MIL, Lori, and I have a terrific friendship & I love and respect her for the incredible, protective, insightful and giving woman and mother that she is. Quite often her advice is beyond valuable...she's one of those rare people who can often clearly see right to the heart of whatever issue is bothering you. It's a gift beyond words, beyond price, just like our relationship. I've had the "evil mother-in-law from heck", and all that did was make me value Lori even more.
She really is an incredible mom...and you see, for me that's a big deal. Why? Because I didn't (and don't) have one. Actually, to be precise, funnily enough technically I "have" two 'mothers' - my birthmonster (Carole) & my adoptive mother (Patricia) whom I, regardless of everything. do honestly consider "my mother". Not a very good one, or particularly pleasant one, but mother nevertheless. The other one merely pushed me into the world. My mother and I no longer communicate, by my choice. I finally accepted that she is how she is, I am how I am and never the two shall meet. I love her but I do not like her. I think that feeling's mutual.
The birthmonster showed back up into my life when I was in my late 30's, oh joy. It was an experience I could've quite happily done without, to put that mildly. And because this is about positive parenting not psychotic pretence, that's about all I'll say about her in this post. It's a long, sad, depressing & downright scary story for another time. 'Nuff said.
Back to my MIL. (A much happier subject). When you think of the word, "Mom", who comes to your mind? For me it always now conjures up the image of Lori. She adores her two boys & all of the grandchildren & great-grandchildren. I wish I'd had her as a mom growing up...except that would make Chris my brother; no thank you! Eww. Seriously though, that woman gives the best advice. She's fiercely protective too, btw. That is NOT someone you want to cross. She's got this ability to accept you for you that just blows my mind. In my family, love was very conditional...and sadly, I rarely fit those conditions, so to be blessed with this woman is a gift beyond price.
I'm not at all good with asking for help, as many of my friends & family would attest to. I learned the hard way at a very young age not to trust and to stand on my own two feet, period. Lori is slowly changing that. I've learned through experience that she can be trusted to be there if needed. Just recently she came with me to the vet clinic to be there with me as my beloved but very sick elderly dog Kylie, was put to sleep. I had planned on doing that alone, just Kylie & myself, but after much thought late into the night before the appointment for it I'd chickened out and called Lori to see if she could come into town...basically to hold my hand as I witnessed the death of my best friend of 13 years. Her reply was immediate. She would be there. Most amazing to me was that I actually trusted that she would be. There'd be no last-minute phone call to back out of witnessing a emotionally charged & raw situation or some appointment she'd forgotten, or a health crisis of some kind (all excuses I've heard far too many times from so called "family" or "friends"). She said she'd be there and she was. To me? That simple fact is something to be treasured. Until Lori, that sort of love & caring was beyond my ken.
There's many other examples I could give, but two in particular stand out in my memory. Both were highly emotionally charged situations - the first was the time she was coming to "save" me from a verbal attack from the birthmonster. Carole & I both saw Lori charging towards us, but before I could say or do anything, Carole took off like a scalded cat, *Hiss...Poof!*. Quite honestly? If I'd have seen Lori coming at me with that look on her face I'd have ran too!
The second example is the time I was bitten by a brown recluse spider & had a severe allergic reaction to the bite...which in a way was a good thing, because the bite was horrendously infected and I didn't want to see a doctor. Yeah, I'm kinda dumb that way. I detest doctor's offices - thanks to the health issues, I've spent far too much of my time in them, so I'll put off making an appointment as long as possible.
I was bitten on a friday night, and by Monday morning I was in the beginning stages of kidney failure and my left leg was completely paralized, the right leg paralized as well, but only up as far as my knee. Due to the kidney issues I was also blown up like a puffer fish, and because of the raging infection at the bite I was also extremely feverish to the point of slight delerium!
All weekend I'd managed to put off going to the hospital, even though the bite was unbelieveably painful (as in, holy-crap-this-freaking-HURTS!) and I'd convinced both Chris and myself that the weakness & all the other symptoms would improve on their own in time. (Yeah...I'm not the brightest bulb in the box at times: did I forget to mention that earlier?). The paralasis occurred sometime in my sleep Sunday night, and I hadn't gotten up when Chris was getting ready for work Monday morning, so neither of us realized that it had happened. I found out after he left for work; I realized it pretty damn fast though. I went to get up to go to the bathroom & promptly fell flat on my face when my legs gave completely out underneath me.
I managed to drag myself to the phone, but was unable to reach Chris. Being too bull-headed to phone an ambulance (and not willing to admit shit was going downhill at an alarming rate!), I called my MIL. When she answered the phone, I asked her if she was coming to town that morning. She replied that she was actually already in town at the Post office, about 6 blocks from our house. She immediately knew something was very wrong, even though I tried to make light of the situation & hadn't told her just how bad it was, what with the legs not working and all.
I asked her if there was any way she could stop by, realizing that I obviously wasn't able to drive myself to the doctor's office...although I must shamefully admit, the thought had occurred, lol. If I coulda, I woulda!
Lori said she'd be there right away & hung up. I swear, she must've flown over, as I'd barely managed to drag my sorry carcass downstairs by the time she arrived! I called for her to come in when she knocked...I obviously wasn't going to be able to answer the door. She walked in, took one look at me and before I could even blink she was on the phone to the hospital. Apparently I wasn't looking the greatest.
Once we arrived at the emergency, she then turned into a momma bear, demanding that the doctor see me immediately and that the staff get their butts in gear & help me. I honestly thought that little woman was going to blow a gasket when there was a computer error in the lab and my paperwork was lost in the system for a short while. The doc had ordered some bloodtests to be done, but until the form showed up on the lab computer there was nothing they could do.
I kid you not, Lori - my normally sweet, docile & loving little MIL turned into a raging, slavering grizzly bear in full-on protection mode. I actually felt sorry for the staff. But I also have to admit, although I was pretty out of it at the time, watching her stomp about yelling at the staff and muttering under her breathe about "incompetent jerkoff's" warmed me to my soul. Literally. That dark, unhappy little place that hides all my insecurities and yearnings to be loved was lightened up quite a bit that day...and more importantly, it's stayed a lot less dark ever since.
Eventually it all got sorted and they took me in to draw blood. But then to add insult to injury, due to my blood pressure being so bottomed out the lab tech couldn't find a vein and I was doing a rather good imitation of a pin cushion by the time they were done. Once again, little momma bear had a few choice words for the beleagured & harrassed lab & hospital staff! I swear that entire place heaved a huge sigh of relief when hubby finally arrived and she was finally able to return home (Chris of course had been called to come down "immediately" by his mother; she then rang a peal over his head on arrival. It took both of us to convince her that he'd had no idea just how bad it was when he left for work that morning!).
I had to stay in the hospital for about a week on I.V. antibiotics & other medications, and the kidney issues & paralasis eventually went away over the next couple of months. As you've probably guessed, Lori came to see me each day I was in the hospital, and kept a very keen eye on me during the rest of my recovery. Now, I realize all of this may sound like pretty standard stuff to others out there. But for me, having never actually HAD a momma bear experience before, it was not something I'll soon forget.
So...as to myself, I try to stay out of trouble's way and keep the stress in my life to a minimum; but when it does occur, I can usually be found with my other dog Hendrix, hot-footin' it out to Lori's farm.
Gotta git me some of that Momma-bear love!
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